Being kind to yourself.

Why start writing again now?

A random Thursday where the kids stayed in their PJ’s all day and I ate too much and too secretly yet again..

A day when I hid upstairs as much as I could and binged on ‘the Good Wife’ and splendid isolation, that left me feeling not so splendid?

My sister died in October. It was sudden. It was unexpected. It wasn’t an accident. She just died and life changed.

In the aftermath I felt so lost, so ‘all at sea’ that I found myself unable to concentrate on anything. The super mum left the building and I couldn’t keep on top of anything. A good friend told me over tea and crumpets to be kind to myself.

Be kind to yourself.

I took that advice. I trusted that all the love and time I had poured into my children over the past seven years had built up enough credit. I trusted that my husband could look after things. I trusted that my children’s future wouldn’t be destroyed because we blew off homework and did school reading books rarely. I trusted that the world would not fall apart without me.

It didn’t.

So, I took the time I needed. I retired to bed with Game of Thrones box sets. I ate copious amounts of…well, everything, if I’m honest. I started back at the gym but just swam length after length and took up Pilates.

And it was good.

So extending the kindness that I show my family, my friends, even strangers, to myself was exactly what was needed. Showing kindness to yourself is not to the detriment of other people. By showing kindness to myself I have begun to heal. I have experienced real Joy. A Joy that can only be found when despair has choked you and pain has engulfed you. I have shown my children what it is to love and live and grieve. I have given my husband the chance to shelter me and love me so well and the wee ones have seen that too.

They are more empathetic. They are kinder. They are LESS fearful and MORE determined.

So, why start writing again today? A day when I could listen to the voice that says, ‘you failed today, you were a bad Mother today, you wasted today’.

I am writing today because that voice is a lie. I am choosing, again, to be kind to myself and I want you to extend kindness to yourself as well. We cannot be truly kind to others if we cannot be kind to ourselves.

It is OK to have days like this. We all do. More importantly, we all should. Today wasn’t just a PJ day. It was the day we created ‘bare foot, flip-flop football’. It was the day I finished a great book. It was a day we all needed.

Be kind to yourself. Keep being kind to yourself. Everybody wins.